4.11

On Ji Han Yu’s twelfth birthday, his father returned home with a boy and a girl, holding their hands and walking to him, telling him that these are your younger siblings and that you should take care of them.

Ji Han Yu was still in a daze when his mother suddenly flipped over the huge birthday cake, cursing angrily like an uneducated shrew.

She said Ji Mingxuan what are you, you do not look at you a belly full of fat nearly fifty years old man, people twenty-something years old little girl by what right to give you a child. Do you think you are the true love of the people? Without the Cao family’s support, you’re fucking nothing! Take these two bastards and get out of here!

Father’s face rose like a pig’s liver, Ji Han Yu felt very amused when he looked at it and laughed.

His father, angered, pointed at him and taunted, “What are you laughing at, rabbit boy? What do you think you are again? Your mom called them wild seeds, she herself is still the wild seed of the Cao family. Without the Ji family’s ten thousand dollar fortune, why should others surround you all day long? Eating what I have and taking what I have, and still going against me, not knowing what’s good for you.”

He scoffed at those words at the time, but it left a deep mark in his heart. Because of this, when he heard Lin Chengze say that he was just in love with his family history, he became that angry and then sprang up with a ridiculous thought.

———–

He told Lin Chengze that the Ji family was bankrupt and he had nowhere else to go, pretending to be very disheveled on the surface, but in fact, he was laughing bitterly in his heart. The Ji family was indeed bankrupt, and all the bastards who coveted that family fortune were probably hiding under the covers and crying, but it had no effect on him.

When her mother married into the Ji family, her grandfather gifted her a large sum of cash, enough for mother and son to spend for the rest of their lives. He asked his mother for two million dollars and started a factory with the help of his uncle, which was very profitable.

He pretends to be penniless and knocks on Lim Seung-taek’s door, hoping that he will take him in. Lin Chengze agrees, but begins to alienate him, instead showering his friends with affection. Ji Han Yu watches from the sidelines, sneering in his heart. He thought Lin Chengze had fallen into his trap.

He wanted to stay for a few days and then leave, but in just three days he was impressed by Fang Youran’s selfless care and stayed again. He deliberately approached Fang You Ran to lure him into his arms while introducing Lin Cheng Ze to his friends, hoping that he would fall into that flashy and rancid trap.

Lin Cheng Ze is very impatient to deal with his friends, Ji Han Yu can see that, yet he is always on call every time. At the time, Ji Han Yu thought that Lin Cheng Ze could really put up with anything for the sake of money. But what happened later told him that the reason he was able to put up with it was all for himself.

Ji Han Yu thought that what Fang You Ran gave him was the purest love, but he didn’t realize that Lin Cheng Ze’s love was even purer and more reckless than his. He’s like a blazing fire, willing to burn himself to ashes for the sake of the one he loves. When he loves you, he is willing to give even his soul.

This used to be the thing Ji Han Yu longed for the most, but it was inadvertently discarded by him without a care in the world.

He slept with Fang You Ran, and when he saw Lin Cheng Ze, who suddenly appeared with an iron face, he didn’t feel the slightest bit sorry. Why would he not apologize? Every time he dreamed in the middle of the night, Ji Han Yu stood in front of his original self countless times, questioning him over and over again, angrily scolding him, and even trying to wake him up.

Bright red banknotes were thrown all over the floor, so blinding, so mocking. Ji Han Yu stood in the empty room for a long time, and then kneeled down, picking up one by one, smoothing out all the edges and corners. Holding this money is like holding a branding iron, the palm is hot and painful, but he can not throw away.

He had to give them all back, a hundred times a thousand times over, and then change Lin Chengze back.

It was only at this moment that he recalled all the moments he had spent with Lin Chengze, and realized why he hated his friends so much, but still patiently tried to get along with them. He merely hoped that they could pull him along when he was in trouble, and that everything he did was all for himself.

Ji Han Yu did not dare to think about how much hard work and tears he had put in behind the scenes, and even more so, he did not dare to think about what mood he was in when he left him in the sex-party to be spoiled.

Fang You Ran helped him to organize the paper bills and suddenly hugged him and cried out in pain, saying sorry over and over again. The tears that should have made him feel sorry for him would only make him feel sick now. Compared to Lin Chengze’s recklessness, what was Fang Youran’s little contribution? Why would he be impressed by him? Was it just because he was better at expressing his feelings than Lin Chengze?

Lin Cheng Ze is that proud and always says that the one who loves first loses. Ji Han Yu didn’t understand at the time why he repeatedly emphasized this phrase, and now he realizes that he was telling himself over and over again that he lost a long time ago, but his pride wouldn’t allow him to admit it, so he told others that all he loved was his money.

What a twisted nature, yet so cute. Ji Han Yu laughed, but shed tears. He pushed Fang You Ran away and hissed for him to get out, forever and ever out of his and Lin Cheng Ze’s world.

“I’m sick at the sight of you, but I’m sicker than you!” He said this with bloodshot eyes.

Lin Chengze disappeared, and Ji Han Yu couldn’t find him no matter how hard he looked, so he had to crouch in front of Cao’s house and wait. In the past, he only had admiration and gratitude for Cao Merkun, but now he was full of resentment.

Why did you come to steal it when you knew it was my boyfriend?

Cao Merkun laughed sarcastically, and he said that buying out your relationship with three hundred thousand dollars is the most successful investment I have ever made.

Ji Han Yu can’t do anything with him, and looks back as he walks out of Cao’s house, telling himself that he must become strong, stronger than Cao Merkun, that way he can reclaim the love of his life that he once had.

Lin Chengze eventually disappeared, completely and utterly. Since then Ji Han Yu has suffered from insomnia, relying on increasingly excessive amounts of medication to get through the most painful three months.

One day, three months later, a friend tapped a video on his cell phone for him to watch in a mysterious manner. He glanced at it carelessly and then froze, snatching the phone and gazing greedily at the devilish young man on the screen who was tempting depravity. Lin Chengze, that was the Lin Chengze that he longed for, the Lin Chengze that he regretted so much and loved so much.

“This commercial is all over the internet! Damn, why didn’t I see that Lin Chengze looked so demonic before! You introduced him to Wang Jie but not to me, you’re not nice enough! Why don’t you tell me, he used to be your boyfriend, right? How could you give away such a beautiful girl? You’re also too bold ……”

Ji Han Yu didn’t wait for him to finish before he ruthlessly slammed his fist over, his eyes filled with endless hatred.

How do you give it up? How can you? He had also questioned himself countless times, how can you let go! You deserve to die!

Hearing that you can get a poster of Lin Chengze if you buy a bottle of Juzhi Perfume, Ji Han Yu doesn’t even go to class and makes a mad dash to the nearest department store. The area around the counter was packed with people, each one frantically shouting give me a bottle. He was squeezed out and managed to get to the front of the line when the salesman told him it was sold out.

He couldn’t describe the tremendous sense of panic he felt at that time, as if no matter how hard he tried, he would never want to touch a single bit of Lin Chengze again.

He wandered outside the mall and stood at the bottom of the steps, fuming. Looking up, the LED display was showing an interview with Orlando, a top international designer. He said that Lin Chengze was his god of beauty, the Narcissus who dangled his shadow by the lake and looked at himself, the Ganymede who held the pot and poured wine for the gods, and that his looks could make even the king of the gods fall for him, and that it would be a sin if you didn’t love him.

The last sentence made Ji Han Yu’s heart ache. It wasn’t that he didn’t love, he just realized it too late.

A picture of Lin Chengze appeared on the screen, and many people stopped to look up, even the cars on the side of the road slowed down. There was undisguised amazement and thirst in their eyes.

Ji Han Yu doesn’t dare to look at it again, and leaves in a trance, finally buying a few bottles of Miwa perfume through a friend’s connection, and plastering Lin Chengze’s posters all over the room, as if he had never left. From that day on, he was gradually able to sleep, but had more dreams.

He worked desperately, hoping to catch up with Cao Merkun as soon as possible. He became the newest man in the shopping mall, surrounded by all kinds of beauties, but could no longer stir up even an ounce of attention from him. If you once possessed the most precious treasure in the world, then when you lose it, you will realize that no other person or thing will ever catch your eye.

Lin Chengze is the best, no one can replace him.

After negotiating a big business deal, Ji Han Yu returns home tiredly and sits on the sofa, staring blankly at the pictures of Lin Cheng Ze that hang all over the walls. Right at this moment, the TV news reports that Cao Merkun has been in a car accident, with his lower limbs severely damaged and possibly paralyzed. Ji Han Yu froze for several minutes, then a secret joy rose uncontrollably in the bottom of his heart.

Cao Merkun has fallen, does it mean he has another chance. What is Lin Chengze’s mood now? Wandering and helpless? No, I must get to his side as soon as possible.

Ji Han Yu immediately stood up and packed his things, emptying his closet before finding the most decent suit to change into. He carried his suitcase to the airport and bought the most recent plane ticket to F country.

Twenty minutes before boarding, Lin Chengze’s mesmerizing face appeared on the advertisement screen in the waiting room. He looked haggard, but his eyes were amazingly bright.

He came out of the closet in front of all the media, looking determined and saying, “Cao Mekun is my lover, I love him so I will never give up on him, and I hope to have everyone’s blessing.”

In this moment, Cao Mekun becomes the object of curse by people all over the world. Ji Han Yu hears a couple of little girls sitting next to him break down and cry, and a man angrily kicks and punches a billboard, saying that it’s not true and that it’s an April Fool’s Day joke. In this world, there are many people who are madly in love with Lin Chengze, but he only loves that one.

Ji Han Yu laughed, and as he laughed, he actually shed tears. He thought to himself what makes him think that at this point in time Lin Chengze will need him? What makes you think that Cao Merkun will accept you when he’s in trouble?

He’s Lim Seung-taek, the one who loves someone to death! The person he loves will be the happiest person in the world.

After checking out of his airfare, Ji Han Yu returned home in a muddle and collapsed on his bed and fell asleep. He had a dream in which he was sitting in the dining room of the Lin family, helping Lin Chengze pick out the green peppers one by one, and when he saw that he was in a hurry to eat, he hurriedly poured a cup of lukewarm milk and fed it to him to drink, and then kissed his red lips stained with milk. Lin Chengze’s arms were wrapped around his neck, his peach blossom eyes were full of brimming and misty water light, so beautiful, so loving ……

Ji Han Yu wakes up with a sweet smile, looks around the empty and cold room, and is brought back to the despairing reality. He spent two months of his life loathing Lin Chengze, only to spend the rest of his entire life loving him.

He always thinks that maybe it’s time to walk out, but he gets deeper and deeper into it every day. Lin Chengze had left him far behind a long time ago, but he was still trapped in his yellowed memories and could never get out.

Lin Chengze’s love was like a blazing fire that had long ago burned his soul to ashes, leaving only an empty shell.