Childhood Friend of the Zenith – 516 (Part 1)



516 (Part 1)

**Chapter 517 – Just Give It to Me Once.**

Not long after my regression I often found myself unable to sleep.

There were times when I couldn’t sleep for even a moment and spent several nights awake.

There were times when it became dangerous not to fall asleep so I used qi to faint myself.

I couldn’t sleep otherwise.

Memories from before my regression would rise up as dreams making it impossible for me to fall asleep.

Those I had killed.

Those I could not save.

Those who died for me.

Their faces haunted me throughout the night and I couldn’t bear to live.

I would wake up drenched in cold sweat entangled in nightmares.

When I got up like that I couldn’t breathe for a long time.

And when I finally could breathe I would bury my face in the blanket and repeatedly scream.

I cried for a long time blaming my still incompetent self rendering the opportunity I had gained meaningless.

How could I be happy just because I had regressed?

Nothing had changed.

With those memories so vivid how could I breathe and live?

I had not changed at all and I could do nothing.

I spent a long time like that.

Unable to escape my past life I stumbled through life not knowing what to do.

What was I living for? It was hard to say I was living.

I merely spent my days breathing.

Claiming to be a martial artist I tried to regain my level but without intent I was empty.

Even if I used that to build my level it was futile because I was hollow inside.

What was I supposed to do?

Get notified for updates: https://discord.gg/93rmBjgP6B

What meaning did this regression have?

What meaning could there be in that place? I searched for a long time.

No rather than searching for meaning.

I just hoped.

I hoped there would be meaning.

I hoped desperately that my regression would have meaning.

Despite wishing so much I could not find what meaning this regression might have.

The world was not that easy.

So I just lived according to the flow of time.

I tried to do something poking around here and there but I didn’t get too excited.

There was a time when I had a dream.

The desire from my childhood to be called a genius of the century and stand shoulder to shoulder with them.

There were times I was obsessed with that but I didn’t pursue it.

If I wanted to I could have done it as much as I wanted.

The reason I didn’t was probably because I didn’t want to stand out.

I didn’t want to see their faces.

I hated the thought of daring to stand next to them.

I was surprisingly aware of my own conscience.

At least until then.

As much as I had regressed I had no intention of stopping the blood calamity.

I thought I should just live moderately. Or.

I should hide away in some mountain village to avoid danger.

At first I wanted to live like that.

To live moderately and not stand out.

That was surely my mindset.

But when did it start to change?

I often think about it.

When did it begin to change?

Was it when I first met Dang So-yeol in Sanseohyeon right after my regression?

Or was it the day I met Namgung Bi-ah on my way to Sichuan?

Those were all events that could be considered turning points.

But I knew.

The moment I truly began to dream of a conviction was when I first met Dang So-yeol.

There was no particularly special reason.

At first it was simply a seed.

When I saw Dang So-yeol’s perfectly fine eyes.

And when Namgung Bi-ah was standing next to her and Wi Seol-ah was standing next to me.

Join our discord and ping me to update more chapters. Discord: https://discord.gg/93rmBjgP6B

When I felt a scene and atmosphere that were distinctly different from my past life.

Afterward when I killed Namgung Cheon-jun I began to think that perhaps I could change myself.

That thought gradually began to heat up.

Since then the situation continued to change.

I met Shin Noya on the way to the volcano.

After that seeing Shin Yi and Jeong Gak-hyeok I thought that perhaps I could change the things I knew through my efforts.

I held onto such hope.

Hope became a spark.

As if I were not a martial artist using fire techniques the flame I held in my heart grew larger.

The unspoken desire began to reveal itself.

The reason I showed my strength in the duel was that.

I planned to take everything that Jang Seon-yeon would obtain. That was the beginning.

But now that I think about it that wasn’t all.

It was quite literally a burning desire.

What I secretly wished for.

The delusion of wanting to be seen as a great genius by others.

Was there truly no desire for that?

No.

I must have had some of that feeling.

I wanted to crush Jang Seon-yeon and take everything he would obtain.

Within the name of future plans there must have been other desires as well.

That’s why I opened my power without reservation.

The more honest I was with my feelings the more the situation continued to change.

I met the Blood Demon and felt that there was something in this world.

Furthermore as I met Yeon Il-cheon day after day I learned that there were even greater secrets.

As I learned secrets I had not known my heart changed and my relationships with those around me also progressed.

“Let’s just live moderately to avoid the blood calamity.” No.

The determination to directly stop the blood calamity whether it be Heavenly Demon or Blood Demon was ultimately made because.

I remembered my past life and recognized that my current life was a different life.

Therefore I thought that the cause was meeting Dang So-yeol in Sichuan.

Rather it was different from Namgung Bi-ah or Wi Seol-ah.

Since Dang So-yeol had a narrower range of emotions than they did.

Perhaps that allowed me to think more rationally.

As time passed I gradually became able to sleep.

Perhaps it was because I had set a goal I was able to immerse myself in training.

And perhaps that’s why I could endure even rough training methods.

Dreaming of my past life is still the same now.

But very occasionally I could have a proper dream.

That dream was close to a delusion of a distant future.

The events after the world had changed peacefully.

I was able to have delusions I had never even imagined.

The emptiness I felt upon waking was still there. But it was okay.

At least I had laid a foundation that I could endure.

“Hani. Now I must take care of those around me properly.”

I must not become strong alone.

If possible I want to bear the burden entirely on my own but I know that even if I want to I cannot.

I do not want to reach out.

One pain to bear is enough.

I know I am not that capable.

So I had to look around…

In that regard Dang So-yeol was a difficult part for me in many ways.

“It’s ambiguous.”

It’s not just about martial talent but the most important thing is.

“How do I see Dang So-yeol?”

The real question is how I perceive Dang So-yeol in what way and with what meaning.

As I mentioned above.

Unlike Wi Seol-ah or Namgung Bi-ah the fact that I could think rationally when looking at her means that.

The feelings I had for Dang So-yeol were not that significant.

At least that was the case at first.

She was simply a person I had killed with my own hands.

The bitter guilt that came from that was the problem in our relationship.

“Then what about now?”

What about now?

I think about it but I still do not know.

I do not doubt that the feelings she has for me are affection.

I do not know how it came to be.

But it must be so.

Conversely I wonder.

Can I dare to call this affection?

I could not be certain.

The feelings I have when I see Namgung Bi-ah or Wi Seol-ah are quite different from the feelings I have when I see Dang So-yeol.

“Even so.”

That does not mean that the significance of Dang So-yeol in my heart is small.

Even when Dang Deok threatened using Dang So-yeol.

Even when I felt that there might be an incident within the Tang Clan involving Dang So-yeol.

Hearing those words I unconsciously displayed killing intent which shows that I regarded Dang So-yeol as important in my own way.

I just cannot be sure of my own feelings.

Simply put unlike Namgung Bi-ah or Wi Seol-ah I cannot die for Dang So-yeol.

That’s roughly how I feel.

However.

“I can’t help but be concerned.”

As much as Dang So-yeol occupies a significant place in my heart.

It was inevitable that I would be concerned about her.

It’s a rather ambiguous position.

Her martial talent was not particularly outstanding and her other external talents were not that remarkable either.

Yet I recalled that she had risen to the position of Poison Queen in my past life and I judged that there must be something.

“If perhaps it was related to this incident.”

The birth plan of Cheon Mu Ji Che.

From the moment I heard that Dang So-yeol was involved in that incident.

I had to struggle to recall Dang So-yeol’s whereabouts in my past life.

How did she rise to the position of Poison Queen? I wanted to know about that.

‘…’

But no matter how much I thought I could not figure it out.

That was proof that I had not cared about her that much.

For some reason that irritated me.

“What do you mean by that?”

Do you not want to become strong?

Hearing that Dang So-yeol looked up at me with a puzzled expression.

Seeing her like that I suddenly thought.

“Was she this small?”

Due to the nature of the Tang Clan which had lived for centuries as assassins most direct descendants are of small stature.

Even the Poison King was only slightly taller than I was before shedding my shell.

As a woman Dang So-yeol would be of below-average height.

For some reason I felt that very clearly now.

‘… The reason is.’

It must be because of Dang So-yeol’s eyes.

Since when was it?

When I looked into Dang So-yeol’s eyes I instinctively knew.

That she was gradually becoming consumed by inferiority complex.

How could I not know?

It was an emotion I had been deeply immersed in during my past life.

I could not possibly be unaware of it.

The cause was probably.

“It must be because of the kids around her.”

Somehow a bunch of prodigies had gathered all of them geniuses and monsters.

It was only natural for an ordinary talent to feel an insurmountable wall among them.

Geniuses touch the sky.

Ordinary talents no matter how hard they try will remain on the ground.

When I realized that they had wings that I did not possess it was only natural for me to collapse.

At least that was how I felt.

I understood Dang So-yeol’s feelings better than anyone.

That’s why even more.

“I.”

I did not want Dang So-yeol to break.

There is nothing more tragic and ugly than collapsing under an inferiority complex.

I know because I have experienced it.

I did not want Dang So-yeol to become like that.

So.

‘… It’s a rather cowardly method.’

I felt the sensation in my clenched fist.

The sensation that was getting in the way.

As I clenched my fist I slightly bit my lip.

‘… It feels like shit.’

I know. It’s not because the sensation is bothersome but because it’s irritating me from within.

‘Is this really the right way?’

Why am I asking?

I knew it was not.

Yet I still wanted to do it.

‘Fuck.’

What I was holding in my hand was a gem stolen from the Elder of the Tang Clan.

Though it was called a gem in reality it was no different from a potion that contained all kinds of energy concentrated within.